The Fear of Losing

Been away for quite awhile now. Was busy with work n life. What worries me most now is Ying. I go into it later..

Wednesday
I started the day wondering what I should wear to work. Then I found my Army Combat Engineer Crescendo T-shirt lying there in my cupboard. I put it on n rushed for work. Never am I going to expect my t-shirt will create so much mayhem at my work place. I sensed something wrong as my colleagues(females) were talking among themselves quietly. Then one of them, Selena, came n asked me, "Wai Lay, what's combat engineer?" hahaha!! I thought they were gossiping something bad about me behind my back. It was combat engineer that they were interested in actually. Haha..

Thursday
I was exhausted. Slept really late the night before. Almost fell asleep standing up. Work was very busy. I came to realize that selling medicine is a BIG BIG business. Pulled through the day, sleeping like a dead log on the train during my way home. Went for a hair cut at 10pm, but only managed to get my hair cut n went home at 11.30pm. I fell asleep while waiting for my turn. Haha.. I tilted to one side during my nap n almost went flat on the bench. The barber was so sorry to make me wait so long that he kept apologizing to me. Tired.. It was another late night.

Friday
I'm starting to feel the effects of the lack of sleep. Starting to feel a little headache n I couldn't stand as long as the days before. Met up with my army mates for dinner. It was great, not juz the food, but also the company. Back home late again. I was dying.. Chatted with Lesley till 2am.

Saturday
I had to work n struggled to get out of bed. Skipped breakfast n went for work. Thank god I wasn't late, but I think I looked like a zombie. Worked from 8.30am to 12.30pm. 4 hours passed by pretty quickly. My working week is finally OVER!! Haha.. Drove again after leaving the car stagnant for almost 3 days in the car park. Sent mum to cousin's house at Simei for her mahjong game. I stayed back n watched the Liverpool-Everton match. Haha.. Fantastic match I must say!!

Alright.. Back to Ying. I met her on Wednesday night after work. She was in a very pathetic state. Troubles n problems with her boyfriend again, but this time round it was a lot more serious. She wanted to pour out everything, but when she got on my car, hell broke lose. My car stereo was playing the song "Ge Qian" by Jay Chou. She yelled at me when she heard it while she sat in. "Can u not play this type of song!" she yelled. I was shocked of cos, n switched off the player instantly. I could sense something is very very wrong. She wouldn't be so agitated normally.

N then, she broke down n cried very badly. I didn't know what to do but drive n keep quiet. The best I could do was to provide her with tissue papers. Hai.. she cried all the way from her house in Pasir Ris to Changi beach. She wanted to go somewhere quiet n so I drove there, next to the SAF Ferry Terminal. Seeing this good friend of mine cry so badly, it didn't feel any good. I was wondering what actually happened in her relationship to make her cry like that.

We sat on a bench, facing the sea, n I could see the lights on Pulau Tekong. HATE THAT PLACE!! Ok, back to Ying. She told me everything slowly n she finally stopped sobbing while talking to me. Apparently, her bf two-timed her n lied about a lot of things. One of it even shocked me. When his bf was in the army, he frequents the red light district in Geylang. What the fuck right?? If I'm a girl, I would have felt disgusted. Damn it, don't u ever come n touch me after touching the hookers. Ying even found out a lot more heart breaking lies from his ex-gf.

Sheesh, all the info she got gave her a major heart break. She knew she couldn't carry on with him anymore, but her heart doesn't allow her to. Then, she started crying again after telling me all the stuff. She was so weak that she even shivered when the cool breeze blew at her on the beach. No sleep n no food. She hadn't slept for close to 48hrs n she had no appetite to eat anything for the whole day. I could see that she's on the verge of breaking down.

On our way back in the wee hours, she was in a total daze. I was afraid that she would juz jump out of the car. Devastation has engulfed her so much that she's having trouble living normally now. Hai.. It was really very worrying to see her in that state. Then on Friday, she messaged me n told me about the breakup. She misses him a lot a lot. She can't forget him. Some of the messages here

"I really miss him v much, I feel terrible now. I keep thinking about the moments together. I miss his smell, I miss his hug, I miss him a lot a lot"

"I still think n hope to patch up with him. I really feel like looking for him now. I miss him a lot a lot. I keep thinking about the times together"

"It's very difficult n terrible. I'm always so cold n shiver when I wake up. My heart hurts when I think of him. I still think about the times together."

"I really really wish I’m at the field now watching him play soccer. I miss him play soccer."

"I really wanna see for myself he two-time me. I still don't believe. I still think he's very good to me. I miss him. I really miss his voice, his everything."

"No one can treasure me like he did. I really hope he'll look for me. I'm all alone now. I'm very scared, can't concentrate in anything. I keep thinking that my decision was rash. Will there be another guy who can shower me with all the love n care like he did?"

Notice how many times she said she misses him? N also how much she keeps thinking about the times together. I had went though this terrible phase before when I lost my first ever gf last May. It was exactly the same as what she's experiencing now.

He lied to her, n yet she can still miss him so much n want him back. I guess this is what happens when a girl gives her heart to a guy. I horrible part is I didn't expect her bf to be such a great liar. N now Ying is like half dead. She has somehow lost her soul after losing him. She still has her heavy school work to cope with n exams are coming very soon. It's really worrying