E51

With my new N5800, I've decided to sell the E51 away. But b4 selling it, I'll need to get rid of wadever personal settings, files, info, contacts n messages that are inside the memory. Then I came across the past messages, the last few ones I didn't delete to remind myself of how things ended between me n MQ.

From the heated argument on 14th March'09 to the soft nicer msgs the days after. I realised I've already been single for a year now. Reading through them brought out the pain again. Not the sourish pain, but the pity pain; why it ended. It used to be so nice, den suddenly everything crumbled into bits n pieces which couldn't be salvaged.

Mistakes I've made, which were clouded by my immense anger at dat point of time. I dun wish to repeat those again. Why do I keep feeling that it's so hard to be a gd lover? Do I even noe how to love? Or do I only care abt myself n love myself? Wad if the way I communicate my love is different from the way she understands the love? This happened to us n everything juz fell out of place.

When I see frens of my age getting engaged or married, I owas haf this burning question for them - How do u both do it?. "Do it" as in communicate properly, understand each other inside out, tolerate each others' nonsense, accepting the flaws, forgiving past mistakes, accepting the different cultures of each others' family n oso the family members etc etc I envy them, cos i assume they could get past these obstacles to slot the rings onto their fingers.

Is my level of maturity not high enuff to get pass those obstacles? Do I need to learn more abt life n relationship in order to "up-level"?? With each failed r/s, I learn some things. I learn things which need to be done n things which shd not be done. But is it too systematic? Cos I noe myself I love using my brain more than my heart., thx to my upbringing. How much do I need to learn b4 I noe i'm ready to take the plunge? To me, marriage is no turning back, cos a divorce is the last thing I'll ever consider.

Matters of the heart, if only it's as simple as 1+1=2