Armour

Armour

Koped this from HL's blog. I couldn't agree more. In a world like today, where cheating happens here n there, I dun really dare to love 100% anymore. Wad's worse is me experiencing "something like cheating" when my first gf left me.

I didn't really recover from that. I put up this armour to protect myself, like the article above said. I dun wanna be hurt so badly again, I dun wanna be vulnerable, I wanna be in control, I wanna be able to pull the plug anytime n yet dun feel like I'm detached from my life support.

I ask myself so many times, when will I be able to remove that armour one day. The answer I give myself is during the day I get married. But I also noe that getting to the marriage stage is hardly possible if the armour is not down. So how??

I wonder who(victim) can ever recover from cheating in a relationship, cos it's been almost 5yrs, n I can still feel the pain of it, albeit alot lighter now. Whenever I watch TV, hear stories from friends abt cheating, I have this very negative attitude towards it; "I hate these bitches".

I hate the women who cheat, n I extremely hate the men who pursue the attached women.

I hate third parties.

Still sour? Maybe. But I'm slowly recovering from it. The recovery process being sped up now that she has gotten married last month. I feel like an episode/chapter has finally ended. I feel sorry to MQ, cos I didn't handle things properly with her, with me being under the influence of my unhappy past with the 1st gf. I didn't treat her fairly, n I really hate myself for those mistakes I made.

I promise myself that before I jump into any relationship, I must not let the past influence me again. I haf to start afresh. 2010 will be the yr I start afresh.