Another day scraped by. It’s Friday tmr, the weekend is coming. Gotta book in soon. Maybe going back there will be better for now. At least there’s nothing in camp that reminds me of her, except for that photo of her smiling in my cupboard. Hopefully, my friends in there can amplify my mood. I can fight with Samuel, talk cock with Burt, suan my buddy Wai Loong n chat some serious stuff with Wai Kit. Ok, for once, I feel good going back there. Never would I expect that place will be the place where I escape from reality. I hate that place. It once changed me into a sadistic person. It made me lose her. But now, it’s opening its arms, ready to embrace me n lock me away from the troubles.
I have to face it eventually. I know that. It’s a stern test of my life. How will I come out of it? Nobody knows. Just wait n see. In life, u don’t always get what u want. What’s done cannot be undone. I can’t take back the words I shot at her that day. She’s simply protecting herself by shutting out everyone now. That may be the right thing to do as she had been hurt too many times in her life. What she’s going through now is definitely worse than me. It’s best she’s left alone I guess.
I’m going back to camp. 2km run in the morning before I book out for my MRI scan at
Posted this quote on my blog few days back. Here it is again. It best describes her now..
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one - not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safely in the casket or the coffin of your selfishness. But, in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, unredeemable. The only place outside heaven where you can be safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love, is hell.
-The Four Loves, C.S Lewis
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