For Kim

For Kim

Happy? Afraid? Unsure?

I had these 3 feelings in me when I met her today. I want to try again, I want her back, I want to start all over again. The breakdown—80% happy, 10% afraid, 10% unsure But when we saw each other, things became so much more complicated than expected. Question after question. I’m lost for words. I kept quiet. My silence irked her.

My 1^st sorry to Kim: Sorry.. Sorry for keeping quiet for most of the conversations we’ve had.

I’ve said some nasty things about u in my blog. Yes, all of them are true, but I agree with u I do have my wrongs too. I can’t be there for u when u needed me most. I avoided your problems. I was being unfair to u.

My 2^nd sorry to Kim: Sorry.. Sorry for being malicious. Sorry for neglecting u. Sorry for not being able to be there for u when u needed me.

U said I look down on u, that I treat other people better than I treat u cos apparently they deserve better from me.

My 3^rd sorry to Kim: Sorry.. Sorry for making u feel that way. Sorry to make u feel inferior to me

I never looked down on u. U’re someone so precious to me, there’s no way I’ll do that.

As for Joyce, everything between us ended right after she left TPJC. I swear, there were less than 20 sms-es exchanged between us for the 2 yrs we didn’t see each other. I didn’t spend much time “entertaining” her or what so ever.

Ying is a good friend, that’s all. My heart is with u. You & only u. Like what I’ve said so many times, there will definitely be someone better out there, but u're irreplaceable.

I don’t care whether I’m ur 5^th or ur 14^th bf. These numbers don’t mean much to me. All I want is to be ur last.

Take care of yourself. Please don’t destroy yourself in the clubs. There are lots of people in this world who care about u n they don’t want to see u take up this path.

U cried on my shoulder juz now n I kissed ur icy cold hand. How I wish I can do that for u forever.

My last sorry to Kim: Sorry.. I’m sorry for hurting u, sorry for making u cry for me on countless times. 非常抱歉伤害了你.. 对不起.. 我还是很爱你..